On my journey from slob to relatively neat person, I had to do a bit of personal decluttering—that is, decluttering my person. To be honest, I still am and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
For someone with messy tendencies, clutter can reflect a state of mind. It’s inexplicable, but the more chaotic I feel, the less I seem to pick up after myself. In other words, a messy room really might mean a scattered mind.
But after going through all of my possessions a la Marie Kondo, there isn’t much to leave around anymore. So, even on the days when my brain is more crazy than an airport 15 minutes before your flight, my lack of picking up immediately does not hide my belongings.
The Cause of Clutter
And at the end of my large decluttering session, I was faced with the reason my space was so messy in the first place. My sentimental items.
When you keep a sentimental item, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it brings you joy. In fact, it could make you distraught just looking at it.
Why do we keep things that upset us, especially when we have no obligation to do so? Well, after clearing out these things, I have a pretty good idea why.
The past is unresolved
We, as humans, have all these memories, and we don’t always know what to do with them. And if you leave a memory unprocessed, then you can’t be sure what to think or feel about it.
If you have a momento from the situation, it becomes obvious. You keep it, it collects dust. You don’t really love it, or even dislike having it. The momento may make you uncomfortable, however, since it brings up this memory that you know you haven’t dealt with.
We want to validate our feelings
Maybe you have a memory that you have processed, and you’ve decided to cut out a toxic person. This can be an emotional challenge, and sometimes we don’t trust ourselves to know what’s best for us.
In these cases, we may choose to hold onto something from this person. Often, these things are letters or something that evoke a negative message. We keep these things to reassure ourselves that we are justified in our anger and our withdrawal from the situation.
We don’t trust our memory/want to document
You have come so far on your journey, and grown up so much. In fact, there are many things about you that would surprise and impress the younger version of you. Sometimes, we keep things from the past that are embarrassing or make us feel silly for our past behavior. We keep these things, however, to remind ourselves where we have been, what we have gone through. Sometimes we keep them to remind ourselves of who we are, and who we want or don’t want to be.
We think we might change our mind
If you have thought about something or someone for a long time, you know what it’s like to see your perspective evolve. And you know that sometimes, something happens that changes how you look at a person or a situation.
You may be keeping some things for this reason. You want to be able to see your past, and compare it with your present, if you are open to amending your impression of something or someone. You fear that without concrete evidence of the past, you may not have all the facts.
So now that we know why we keep all these things, you want to know what we do with them. How do we decide what stays and what goes?
Making the Decision
You may or may not have done the first step. It’s very important that you reflect on the memory the item carries for you. Is it happy? Embarrassing? Frightening? Whatever it is, identify it.
Once you’ve identified how you feel about the memory, think about what your goal is. How would you like to feel? What do you want to get from the experience?
If you’ve identified your feelings on the item (as well as the memory that goes with it) and what your goal is moving forward, you should be able to figure out how to proceed.
Some momentos you’ll want to keep, and others, you won’t. If something distresses you and you simply want to move on, it goes. Or maybe you want to keep something hidden away because this person hurt you and left but the item reminds you of a happy time you had with them. That is your choice.
Going through your belongings isn’t about getting rid of as much as you possibly can. The aim here is not to lead a stark, bare life, but rather to keep with you only what is close to your heart and leads you to feel inspired and encouraged.
Emotional toll of decluttering
It’s important to learn to trust ourselves. Our possessions are our decision, and it is nobody else’s choice what you choose to keep or accumulate.
And to demonstrate trust in yourself, you can make decisions about what possessions and momentos you’d like to keep or get rid of. Is the probability that you will be unhappy in your home worth the risk of keeping these painful possessions “just in case”?
For me, it was not. I realized that by trusting myself to get rid of the things that gave me negative memories, I was standing up for myself, in a way.
It was transformative. I could say to a past situation, “thanks, but you’re done. I don’t wish to be reminded of my misery”. And just like that, my space was transformed, bit by bit into a fortress of peace, self-care and self-respect. I was no longer subjected to mini-traumas every day by my possessions, reminded of stories I wanted so badly to forget.
By getting rid of your sad and irritating momentos, you will not erase the past. That can never be done. But you are making a very firm statement, to yourself and to the world, that your past does not get to rule you and your present. Who you were does not have to be who you are.
Unused Possessions
There is another kind of psychological clutter. These are not old bits of the past, but rather they are things that you may have bought, but never used. We can think of them as dusty bits of past dreams.
But why do we buy things and then proceed to not use them? Well, it’s easiest to think of it this way: we want to think of ourselves as the kind of person who uses this thing. Often, once we’ve bought it we fall short of this hope, but we don’t get rid of the possession because at least we are the kind of person who owns this thing.
Admittedly, it’s kind of strange, this mentality. But it’s mostly subconscious. We sometimes buy and keep things as a sort of reassurance for who we are, who we could be, and at its most toxic, who we should be.
Decluttering your fantasy self
This is what I want to talk about here. If you want, you can think of yourself as a blank canvas or some clay, to be made into whatever you want. That being said, you are already on a specific journey of your own. There are going to be things that don’t fit into this journey you’re on. It’s important to acknowledge what path you are taking, and to honor it.
When you keep possessions around that are not relevant to who you are or who you are becoming as a person, you are doing a disservice to yourself and your journey.
You may find that you feel guilty, for not using them (or not having the self discipline to use them). On a lesser degree though, they may just be distractions. From who you are, and who you are truly working to become.
Discarding things you never used
This is why it’s important to stay on top of things and clear out the possessions that you are not using, so that you are able to use the time, energy, and let’s be honest, space too, to your advantage.
By living this way, you will become more focused on your goals, your growth, and your priorities. This will bring you more satisfaction and joy in your life, because you will see your progress. Seeing yourself grow in ways that you care about is really exhilarating.
Reinventing yourself through your things
Realize that your possessions are really tools for you. Some of these tools will bring you closer to your goals, others will push you further away.
It’s both empowering and beneficial to get real with yourself about what is serving you. You don’t have to keep something just because you’ve had it for years. And you don’t need to try to get use out of something that’s totally not you.
There need not be any guilt for trying to engineer yourself and your surroundings to match your goals.
So what are you waiting for? It’s time to rule your space. Sort through your stuff, and own your own decisions. I promise, you won’t regret it.
