When you stop looking at things in terms of rules, you become freer. You don’t need to impede your freedom to make good choices. Neither do you need to give yourself a bunch of rules to follow.
Rules
Rules can be great sometimes. There are certainly some things that you don’t want any part in. Rules can be an extension of boundaries, which we all know are essential.
But rules aren’t everything. If you only view life in terms of yes and no, you start to believe that everything is black and white—including who you should be, and what life has to look like. Not only is it limiting, but it’s also untrue. Life can look all sorts of ways, and so can you over time.
When we look at things as a simple “yes I should always do this” and “no that’s bad so I don’t do it”, well, not only are you setting yourself up to fail, but you’re boxing yourself in. You’ll never be able to see your full potential or what life could look like with a new perspective. But this doesn’t mean all structure and signposts are bad.
Black and white
It can be easy to fall into black and white thinking. Which can cause unnecessary structure and anxiety. But obviously, some things are a simple yes or no. Some things are just morally or ethically wrong. And others are just flat out bad ideas. I don’t want you to through out all discernment here, that’s not the idea.
But when you’re starting to have a meltdown because of “peer pressure”, for instance, you may benefit from asking yourself what is really going on. Are you uncomfortable because you know the subject at hand is a bad idea, unsafe, or unethical? Or are you uncomfortable merely because it’s not for you, or because someone once told you it was bad? The fact is, there are lots of ways to live. And while not all of them are a good idea for your path, there’s a lot more grey area in the real world than you might realize.
The fix
Instead of “no and yes”, we can start to think about things in terms of “more and less”. This way, we can still guide ourselves in the direction that we want to go, but we still give ourselves space. We won’t get wrapped up in what it means to “break the rules”, or what it means to change your mind. With “more and less”you can recalibrate.
I want you to think about softening your approach today. Because you may be wrong. Or someday, not today, but someday, you might want a change. And this way, you don’t have to be so afraid of that.
Thank for for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day and consider subscribing to the blog for perspectives both short and more in depth, for how to improve your own life.
