Today I realized how much of my time I’m wasting chasing goals that I feel like I should be doing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like they’re not good goals or anything, but I just don’t think they’re mine anymore.
The Thoughts that Bind
When I first started the Thoughts that Bind about five years ago, I was in a very different place. I was just starting out on life and seeing that it could truly be something good, something that I enjoyed. I was amazed at my newfound perspective and it was like the whole world was new to me. Most of all, I wanted to share that with other people. People who may not have access to therapy or the perspectives I did that I found so helpful and healing.
And so I set out on a new course. I was going to be a blogger, helping people with their wellness and mental health. And while I never thought of myself as an expert by any means, I was quite optimistic about the whole endeavor. I knew that sometimes you don’t need an expert, you just need information. And I coined a byline “in pursuit of a better life”. That’s what this was, and that’s what I was doing.
Living life as it comes
A few years later, upon examination, I decided to change the blog’s tagline. (You can find the post here that talks about that.) I felt that at some point, your better life just becomes your life. And a certain dose of acceptance is necessary, which is the nuance that the old tagline (along with my old perspective) was lacking. Sometimes a better life means not striving, just seeing what’s in front of you and joyfully accepting what is (if you can).
So, I changed the ethos of the site. I feel like it certainly gave me a more informed perspective as well as some new ideas for what direction to take my content, most of which was previously centered around self-improvement and coping. Now I had opened up a whole new vein of ideas centering around exploration.
This was wonderful for a few reasons. Other than it bringing new life to the site, it felt very self-inclusive. As in, I no longer felt like I was a trailblazer coming back and sharing my findings with you all, but instead I was just another person, exploring at your side. This took a lot of pressure off of me and my implied expertise. Now my posts were easier; I could just explore.
What’s the issue?
You might be thinking, “Well, that’s great. So why are you writing about this to explain it all now?” And that’s a fair point. My problem is that the longer I’ve been thinking about living life as it comes, the more I’ve been open to a life that changes. It’s awesome, I love it.
But lately, I haven’t been living it so much. And that’s causing friction. Being a hypocrite is exhausting, isn’t it?
Goals
Like I was saying, this whole question of goals has started to be a bit of a bother for me. Things have started to pile up between my old goals and my new life, and I haven’t really known which to pursue at any given moment, or in general.
I’ve felt a great responsibility to keep the Thoughts that Bind as well as its sister site, Eight Years In, up and running with new fresh content. But it’s started to feel less authentic and exciting as life has begun to call me to other explorations and interests. And I always thought goals were good, but it’s starting to seem like I need something else. Not goals, just living.
The story continues
It’s not like either of these websites are going anywhere. It’s not even like I’m burnt out from making content as I hear so many content creators talking about online these days. But things have been slowing down. I feel like there’s only so much that I have to teach about mental health and wellness to begin with because like I said, I’m not an expert. There is a lot of content on this site from the years it has been up and running, and the things I feel inclined to add are becoming fewer and further between.
If I’m going to continue to value and live by the decree of living life as it comes, I have to give this the proper respect it deserves. I’m still going to be around to read your comments, and there still will be new content from time to time on here. But I’m not going to be writing as much. I’m not going to be setting goals of what’s on here and how many people it reaches. I’m going to be living instead.
I do think that perhaps, somewhere down the line I may come back to the Thoughts that Bind with the same writing fervor I had in the beginning years, assuming that life will take me in all sorts of new directions and teach me all kinds of new things. Because I’ll want to share that with you and anyone who will listen, really. But for now, I’m not going to focus on keeping this fresh.
What is next for me?
For those of you who have taken a personal interest in me and my journey, I deeply thank you. I know that I have some really cool readers of this blog and I couldn’t be more grateful for it.
In the coming months I forsee a bit of a shift in my life. I plan on focusing on cooking and making music and sticking to my meditation practice. I’d like to get more into language learning, as that has been one huge change in my life this last year which I feel has opened my perspective and allowed me to experience so much new life, it’s entrancing.
And I think more than anything, I want to work on my personal relationships more. It’s true that putting so much time and effort into projects often means that you don’t have that time for the people you love. And while I know that my loved ones know they are important to me, I think there will be less of a strain on my relationships now that I won’t be obsessing over content creation (on top of working full time and my own personal development).
Where can you find me?
I do encourage you to keep in touch! If you like what I have to say, you can follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. If you like or are curious about my music, go check out my YouTube and SoundCloud. And don’t give up on yourself (or the Thoughts that Bind, for that matter). I don’t truly believe that any real path ever goes away when it comes to personal development. And while you won’t be hearing from this page as much, I hope you will still explore the many discussions it has to offer, as well as your rich internal world.
I once had a door knocker that had a quote attributed to Winnie the Pooh on it that read as follows: “If there ever comes a day when we cannot be together, keep me in your heart and I’ll stay there forever.” And you know what? I still remember that.
So keep me in your heart, and I’ll keep you in mine. And when I have good, new things to share, I’ll give you a shout. It’s not goodbye, it’s just further out. You have a great day!
Good luck on your new projects!