When we talk about resilience, we think about “bouncing back”. But what are we bouncing back to?
Let’s be honest. Life can hit hard. While there are a privileged few who are seemingly insulated from the worst things in life, the truth is that there is no such thing as a life without pain.
There are those who believe you can avoid suffering if you practice non-attachment or radical acceptance (depending on the belief system), as well as those who argue that even if that were possible, it’s unhealthy. But what we can all agree on is the fact that the simple fact of living life will cause a rise out of you. You’ll get hurt, you’ll lose, and you’ll have experiences that make you question your worth, your sanity, and/or your will to go on. And when we experience these life altering events, the thing that so many hope for is resilience.
Covid, a global resilience study
I remember when we were in the full swing of a worldwide pandemic and all of the big officials were talking about when things would be back to normal. Everyone just felt so scared and overwhelmed by the circumstances, losing loved ones, fearing for their safety in mundane places such as grocery stores or doctor’s offices, etc. We just wanted to get back to normal, and it became a rallying cry. Until a tipping point was reached.
We all were waiting for a tipping point. For less people to die, for less cases to be contracted. But I think the true tipping point was when the language changed from “back to normal” to “a new normal”. It’s easy to forget these days, but many things were lost along the way. And while I don’t think that everything that we lost was worthless, I think it paints a very clear picture of resilience in our own lives, individually.
Resilience and you
When you think back in your own life, after you had big events, have you yearned for the person you used to be? I know that moving on involves a certain kind of mourning. A mourning of your own mistaken identity, of what you thought life should be like. A mourning of what you thought you had figured out already. But who are you trying to bounce back into being?
If we’re only looking to “get back to normal”, we may be obsessing over something that’s just not possible. Especially if the event was truly that life-altering. But it isn’t just that, either.
To wish to go back to who you once were is to ignore the gift of experience that your life has given to you. Let me put it this way. What happened to you may hurt. It may have severed your heart in two, melted your brain and spurred you to question everything and everyone you once knew and trusted. But when things happen to us in life, we get to decide how we process them.
You can choose to keep sticking your head in the sand because the truth is too painful. You might get some momentary comfort that way. Or you can open yourself to the pain, and turn that horrifying life experience into wisdom. Once you have wisdom, you can begin making new decisions. You can change the trajectory of your life and start to call in new experiences. You can point yourself in a different direction. It won’t always be comfortable. But it will always be your choice.
Choosing different
I think that’s what’s so beautiful about the idea of resilience, at its core. When we experience adversity, we also, on a lesser scale, butt up against the expectations of others. So many people want us to just be able to be okay, go back to normal or continue to pick yourself back up and dust yourself off. But when you take responsibility for your own resilience, you realize the power that you truly have.
Bouncing off can propel you forward in life. In fact, it often does when you accept that it’s your life to live, and to make choices with. It’s your responsibility to paint a picture you can live with, and to learn how to become the person you are proud to be. I think we can truly say that we’re resilient not when we’ve survived the worst, not once we’ve healed, but when we realize what road we’re going down and make active choices to pick one that suits us better. And I think you have what it takes to be resilient today.
Don’t let yourself wonder if you could have done something more with your life. Don’t die with your music still in you. Let falling down bounce you back. And let yourself be purposefully propelled forward in life, armed with the wisdom of who you do and don’t want to be. I believe in you.
